#SingleProbs

Most of the time it's great to be single.......

If you know me, you are probably quite familiar with the term “boyfriend moment.” I throw it around mainly because I like to believe I’m capable of surviving without someone permanently attached to me as a sophomore in college, but I also use it because those moments in life really do exist.

These boyfriend moments usually occur during one of the following times: sickness, when you’re at home (away from school), exhaustion, formal month, boredom, tight-with-money days, and the worst of all….holidays.

Photo Credit: Hannah Wilson

This seems like the perfect opportunity to address BOYFRIEND SEASON. When it becomes about the time that major holidays roll around, everyone gets a little antsy. Well, by everyone, I mean all my single ladies, I suppose. Why is this? Because everyone wants to feel like when they go home, 1. Someone will miss them and send a cute little text message reminding them how much they truly do, and 2. Relatives, family friends, and anyone you’ve ever known that you’ll see during breaks. 

Families are amazing. Family friends are awesome. Acquaintances? Pretty dece. But all of these people, together, seem to form some kind of interrogating team during the holidays at home. And I swear, there must be some award for who gets the most information. (I’m assuming they’re giving away cars by the amount of times I’ve been asked the same questions…)

Now, I’m not one to criticize those who enjoy asking questions and learning about other people’s lives. I am one of those people. I am speaking of a specific and seemingly general conversation.

(NUMBER ONE QUESTION, EVERY SINGLE TIME)

Got yourself a boyfriend up there at Iowa State?

Nope.

This is a really basic and semi-understandable question. I’m flattered you care enough to ask about my love life, friend. However, you brought this up uncomfortably early in the conversation. I made Dean’s List last semester, man…

Aaannnnnnaaa, are you sure you’re not pulling my leg? (laughs, elbow nudge)

No, really. No boys for me, still. Sorry to disappoint.

Well, now you’ve rubbed it in. Still single. Nope, no prospects. Hilarious joke, though.

Haha, I’m sure there are plenty of young men up there who would love to date you.

I mean, if there was we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation, right?

You’ve now thrown dirt on my open wound and rubbed it in. NO ONE WANTS TO DATE ME. It’s sweet of you to try and comfort me by lying. SO sweet.

Well, I’m sure you’ll find someone just right for you up there, eventually. You’re young, anyways. No rush.

Thanks. I’ll let you know as soon as I find one.

Doubt that. Until next holiday, old friend.

How to make the most of Boyfriend Season:

1. Create a boyfriend for yourself. But, make sure he has at least one flaw. Ex. Texting, which is why you’ve hardly heard from him lately…

2. Go through the list of all the events and life moments you’d miss if you had a boyfriend. Normally, the person will agree with you and be in awe of how much fun you’re having living the single dream.

3. Fake an injury and get the hell out of Dodge. Ex. Dust in eye, extreme muscle cramp, sudden migraine, or lean against literally anything and say, “Ouch! Be back in a minute!” Don’t forget to wince in pain for all of the above.

Hope these tips help you to fight off your relatives this Boyfriend Season! If all else fails, cry in the bathroom and know that they will all receive coal, without a doubt, for making you feel bad. Santa’s watching! Now go refill your wine glass.

MOA Observations

So, I made a visit to this small-town mall this weekend. Maybe you’ve heard of it? The Mall of America? There was a few things I observed there…

1. GIRLS ARE STILL TORTURING THEIR BOYFRIENDS

Time after time, I watched boyfriends follow their ladies around like puppies. Now, I have heard rumors that there are a few men out there who truly just want to spend time with their girlfriends, but these guys are rare. The young men I saw in stores were clearly being pulled along by their leashes… Which has me thinking, WHY are you letting your girlfriend run your life?! You are in FOREVER 21. Rethink your relationship and go watch some football, please.

2. THERE ARE A LOT OF UNREALISTIC STYLES OUT THERE

An example is this picture I took of these cute forms in Urban Outfitters. Did I like these outfits? Absolutely. Luckily, I spent a moment gazing at them, thinking about how the purchase of one of those little “dresses” would benefit my life. My mom would be proud that I realized that you CANNOT actually wear anything that thin, short, and cheap in freezing cold Iowa weather. I hope that one would never expose their legs and only wear that tiny little shirtdress with a parka. Whhhaaaattt? Two different seasons, Urban. Come on now.

Urban Outfitters "dresses."

3. PEOPLE ARE SO CRAZY WEIRD

People watching is truly so much fun, especially in such a diverse and gigantic place. So many crazies running around on Saturday and I was loving it. I even met an employee (at H&M, congrats to them) who was sincerely nice and excited about life! I believe that is the first time I have ever encountered a happy worker in retail. BUT, other people, like the man with an entire bald eagle tattooed on his exposed arm made the trip even better.

4. DICK’S (the restaurant) IS SO GREAT

I never expected to pay for terrible and insulting service, but my goodness do I suggest it. The entire concept of the restaurant is for the customers to be fed and mocked. All of the employees are absolute jerks and spend their time treating people like crap for big tips. What a concept! I ate my cheesesticks happily and enjoyed making my waitress hate me, which resulted in my faulty hat. Don’t complain. ;)

Our insulting hats from Dick's Last Resort. Mine said "Sperm Bank."

I had a great time visiting my friend’s family in Eagan this weekend. And I got to spend some quality time with my two fabulous sisters and next semester, my roommates! Hope you all had a lovely weekend yourselves!

On the way to the mall with Katie (center) and Janie (right).