#SingleProbs

Most of the time it's great to be single.......

If you know me, you are probably quite familiar with the term “boyfriend moment.” I throw it around mainly because I like to believe I’m capable of surviving without someone permanently attached to me as a sophomore in college, but I also use it because those moments in life really do exist.

These boyfriend moments usually occur during one of the following times: sickness, when you’re at home (away from school), exhaustion, formal month, boredom, tight-with-money days, and the worst of all….holidays.

Photo Credit: Hannah Wilson

This seems like the perfect opportunity to address BOYFRIEND SEASON. When it becomes about the time that major holidays roll around, everyone gets a little antsy. Well, by everyone, I mean all my single ladies, I suppose. Why is this? Because everyone wants to feel like when they go home, 1. Someone will miss them and send a cute little text message reminding them how much they truly do, and 2. Relatives, family friends, and anyone you’ve ever known that you’ll see during breaks. 

Families are amazing. Family friends are awesome. Acquaintances? Pretty dece. But all of these people, together, seem to form some kind of interrogating team during the holidays at home. And I swear, there must be some award for who gets the most information. (I’m assuming they’re giving away cars by the amount of times I’ve been asked the same questions…)

Now, I’m not one to criticize those who enjoy asking questions and learning about other people’s lives. I am one of those people. I am speaking of a specific and seemingly general conversation.

(NUMBER ONE QUESTION, EVERY SINGLE TIME)

Got yourself a boyfriend up there at Iowa State?

Nope.

This is a really basic and semi-understandable question. I’m flattered you care enough to ask about my love life, friend. However, you brought this up uncomfortably early in the conversation. I made Dean’s List last semester, man…

Aaannnnnnaaa, are you sure you’re not pulling my leg? (laughs, elbow nudge)

No, really. No boys for me, still. Sorry to disappoint.

Well, now you’ve rubbed it in. Still single. Nope, no prospects. Hilarious joke, though.

Haha, I’m sure there are plenty of young men up there who would love to date you.

I mean, if there was we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation, right?

You’ve now thrown dirt on my open wound and rubbed it in. NO ONE WANTS TO DATE ME. It’s sweet of you to try and comfort me by lying. SO sweet.

Well, I’m sure you’ll find someone just right for you up there, eventually. You’re young, anyways. No rush.

Thanks. I’ll let you know as soon as I find one.

Doubt that. Until next holiday, old friend.

How to make the most of Boyfriend Season:

1. Create a boyfriend for yourself. But, make sure he has at least one flaw. Ex. Texting, which is why you’ve hardly heard from him lately…

2. Go through the list of all the events and life moments you’d miss if you had a boyfriend. Normally, the person will agree with you and be in awe of how much fun you’re having living the single dream.

3. Fake an injury and get the hell out of Dodge. Ex. Dust in eye, extreme muscle cramp, sudden migraine, or lean against literally anything and say, “Ouch! Be back in a minute!” Don’t forget to wince in pain for all of the above.

Hope these tips help you to fight off your relatives this Boyfriend Season! If all else fails, cry in the bathroom and know that they will all receive coal, without a doubt, for making you feel bad. Santa’s watching! Now go refill your wine glass.

MOA Observations

So, I made a visit to this small-town mall this weekend. Maybe you’ve heard of it? The Mall of America? There was a few things I observed there…

1. GIRLS ARE STILL TORTURING THEIR BOYFRIENDS

Time after time, I watched boyfriends follow their ladies around like puppies. Now, I have heard rumors that there are a few men out there who truly just want to spend time with their girlfriends, but these guys are rare. The young men I saw in stores were clearly being pulled along by their leashes… Which has me thinking, WHY are you letting your girlfriend run your life?! You are in FOREVER 21. Rethink your relationship and go watch some football, please.

2. THERE ARE A LOT OF UNREALISTIC STYLES OUT THERE

An example is this picture I took of these cute forms in Urban Outfitters. Did I like these outfits? Absolutely. Luckily, I spent a moment gazing at them, thinking about how the purchase of one of those little “dresses” would benefit my life. My mom would be proud that I realized that you CANNOT actually wear anything that thin, short, and cheap in freezing cold Iowa weather. I hope that one would never expose their legs and only wear that tiny little shirtdress with a parka. Whhhaaaattt? Two different seasons, Urban. Come on now.

Urban Outfitters "dresses."

3. PEOPLE ARE SO CRAZY WEIRD

People watching is truly so much fun, especially in such a diverse and gigantic place. So many crazies running around on Saturday and I was loving it. I even met an employee (at H&M, congrats to them) who was sincerely nice and excited about life! I believe that is the first time I have ever encountered a happy worker in retail. BUT, other people, like the man with an entire bald eagle tattooed on his exposed arm made the trip even better.

4. DICK’S (the restaurant) IS SO GREAT

I never expected to pay for terrible and insulting service, but my goodness do I suggest it. The entire concept of the restaurant is for the customers to be fed and mocked. All of the employees are absolute jerks and spend their time treating people like crap for big tips. What a concept! I ate my cheesesticks happily and enjoyed making my waitress hate me, which resulted in my faulty hat. Don’t complain. ;)

Our insulting hats from Dick's Last Resort. Mine said "Sperm Bank."

I had a great time visiting my friend’s family in Eagan this weekend. And I got to spend some quality time with my two fabulous sisters and next semester, my roommates! Hope you all had a lovely weekend yourselves!

On the way to the mall with Katie (center) and Janie (right).

Hang out with yourself for the day. You deserve it.

I’ve been a little exhausted lately and by “little” I mean completely and wholeheartedly broken down tired. I may be overdoing it this semester, just a bit, but I do love being busy! But because I’m not the only one who tries to do it all, I’ve composed a list of signs that you need a day of Gilmore Girls, or maybe in your case Breaking Bad, Grey’s Anatomy, The Hills, How I Met Your Mother or every single Harry Potter movie. Whatever floats your boat! Just take a day to drift in and out of sleep in front of an awesome series all bundled up and relaxed. Take a day for you! 

My dramatic interpretation of exhaustion. (you're welcome)

You’re in need if you show any and especially ALL of these signs:

You have experienced many mental blackouts.

When I say “mental blackout,” I mean those times when you are walking or driving some place and suddenly arrive at your destination, blinking, realizing that you have no recollection of the entire journey (oops). Or those times when you’re sitting in front of the TV and you suddenly realize that you’ve been watching the news for about 20 minutes, but when you sat down you were watching Ellen…

You regularly wake up in a panic state.

I’m talking mainly naps here, folks. These are the times when you wake up on the couch (or futon) to a brightly lit window and are 100% positive that you have missed a class, meeting, date, practice, etc. and it is the end of the world. Personally, these moments are terrifying. I woke up last week from an full 5.5 hours of sleep with a huge sinking feeling in my stomach because I truly believed that I had forgotten about meeting the little elementary school student I mentor. It was an awful feeling. BUT, then I came to terms with my life and realized I had an entire “to-do” list to accomplish, so I rallied from my slumber.

You haven’t been to bed before 1:00AM in ages.

Midnight is no longer a sign that you should be sleeping anymore. Dark hours that you never used to fathom being awake for are recently your most trusted times. When you finally climb into your bed, you are fully aware that an alarm will wake you up far too soon as soon as you close your eyes, which is the worst feeling ever.

You genuinely cannot remember seemingly basic information.

These are the REALLY embarrassing times when you forget everyday information about yourself. I experienced the sinking feeling of forgetting my debit card number, recently. The cashier was not impressed with my common sense. Let me tell you, it was terrifying. You feel as if you’ve lost your marbles! Other things you may forget include: your phone number, password to Facebook, email address, mom’s maiden name, etc…

You’re snacking a lot. OR, for some people, you forget to feed yourself.

This one is tragic. I mindlessly snack when I stress, but a friend of mine will get so overwhelmed that she forgets to eat! As much as I wish I had her issue, that is terrible! When you no longer realize you are hungry it is well past time for you to spend a day with yourself. Or when you find yourself at the bottom of the Cheez-It box and are confused as to who took them, you’re ready all right.

I suggest you run home, grab your body pillow you substitute as a boyfriend (just me?) and settle in. You’re going to have a FANTASTIC day with yourself. And tomorrow? Well, that comes tomorrow.

HOSPITAL.

10/3/2012

I am sitting in the cardiac wing of the Intensive Care Unit.

It’s fantastic. (joke)

The man laying 10 feet away from me is Grandpa Gib.

He’s NINETY.

Sleeping beauty at the moment, but he’s doing SO well.

Keeping two thumbs up, literally.

It’s smells sterile, similar to hand sanitizer.

Which is everywhere, by the way.

The steady sound of beeping never stops.

It’s the only consistent sound around here.

Grandpa looks like a fish with his mouth open.

Calmly breathing, very peacefully sleeping in the midst of chatter and cleaning.

Our doors to the room are wide open.

Leaving the conversations of blood pressure and heartbeat to flow right in.

The TV is on mute.

My Aunt keeps herself busy by rocking back and forth.

She walks around observing every detail of the room.

They’re doing some kind of remodeling in a protected area of the wing.

The steady beeping is still going.

Now another beep joins it.

Grandpa has a pillow in the shape of a red heart lying on top of him.

It has an icon of an actual pumping heart printed on it.

He’s stirring.

AWAKE.

Cough, sounds painful.

He moves the heart pillow under his chin to make it easier.

His frail arms, spotted with age, pull it back down.

He makes small chat.

Does a pretty good job of it.

Enter: two relatives.

Grandpa says, “Yeah, I think I’m going to make it now…maybe.”

Joking about his life. Oh man.

“I haven’t been out much.”

Makes the relatives smile. And Aunt Sandy and I laugh.

“Time to get up for some dinner!” says the Nurse.

Her name is Allison.

She’s so sweet…

Grandpa Gib's hands. 9/2/2012

The part of the hospital that blows my mind are the people in the hospital. And I’m not necessarily talking about the patients. Let’s think, who do you find in a hospital? I came up with the basic people I think of and have decided to enlighten your lives with the people occupying the place I find so devastatingly fascinating.

DOCTORS: They’ve got a tough job to do. Lots of bad news, but within the bad is always some good. Saving people, for instance, has to be an incredible feeling. Can you imagine telling someone in a very sad situation that they are going to live? Amazing.

NURSES: heroes.

Nurses never get the amount of credit they deserve. They do SO much to help. They communicate with scared family members and make them feel at home. They do a lot of explaining, because often times, they’re easier to talk to than intimidating doctors. And if anything goes wrong, they’re running to help. These people are doing a lot of tough things, but my goodness, they are truly lifesavers.

CLEANING GUY: Yesterday, Grandpa was sleeping with the doors open, and a man who looks as if he’s sitting on a Zamboni comes vrooming right in front of the doors. THREE TIMES. This guy is just doing what he is told. Good for you, sir. And I wouldn’t look anyone in the eyes, either.  

PATIENTS: Leaving the hospital at about 10:45 last night I thought to myself, how awful would it be to stay in a hospital overnight? Even if you’re there for a positive reason, it must be terrible to wake up to beeping, monitors, the smell of hand sanitizer, an uncomfortable bed, and yet another nurse saying, “Hi ______, I’m ______. I’m just going to do a quick check of your blood pressure. Sound OK?” Let alone, the pain (assuming you’re not there for the miracle of birth).

FAMILY: the ones who struggle.

My experience in hospitals takes place mainly in ICU wings or cancer wards. Neither one of those being places anyone wants to be……….ever. The part of hospitals that catches me the most off guard every time is the people. If you look around, there are people everywhere. The wives, husbands, kids, family friends, brothers, sisters, pastors, classmates, and parents of those hurting people fill every corner of the hospital.

            The first kind of people are those you can see are living at the hospital. The ones just waiting, praying, hoping, that something will get better today. These people, break my heart. It’s routine for them. And as much as they dream of a nurse emerging to share good news, they secretly hope no one comes out bearing more sad reports. You can also tell by their children. The kids who are way too comfortable in the setting of the hospital, running from family member to family member, entertaining themselves with their iPods and acting normally in an abnormal environment.

            The second kind are those who are confused. The family members who get called to come visit, but are very uninformed and in a bit of shock. Everything happened so fast, so they have not correctly gauged their reaction yet. They come in nervous, but happy. Waiting to be informed.      

            Those who are crying are the most heartbreaking. There is not one thing anyone can say to make him or her feel better. Sitting at the Starbucks across from the surgery wing yesterday, I watched a young woman walk by with puffy eyes and softly crying, alone. No one is very affected by these people, which is the most frightening part. No one looked or stared and watching the Starbucks baristas work, unaffected, I wondered what they must see every day. Devastating.

            In conclusion, I’ve spent some time learning the ICU systems in Des Moines, and I hate to think of what others have to go through in those same wings. I am so incredibly grateful to every person who put their energy into having faith in my Grandpa about four years ago. After 41 days, he got better. He couldn’t speak to us, was not responsive, was hooked up to so many things that we were not able to sit in with him, he lost a ton of weight, and looked like a stranger and yet today, as my mom says, “You would never know.” A miracle was performed by those ICU caretakers. I wish the best to anyone who finds themselves in a waiting room. My prayers are with you, always.