A Formal Letter to
Every Single Male Alive:
I would like to formally invite you to talk to a girl this
week. Meaning, introduce yourself to someone you think is just soooo pretty and make. a. move. How cool would it be to talk to someone in person
and just take a chance? Channel that old-fashioned courtship by at least
getting our numbers from our real selves, rather than our Facebook alter egos
or best friends.
Why is this a great idea? You’ll stand out. No one takes
chances anymore and girls loooveee that stuff. Imagine any sorority house in America
and your name spreading like wildfire as the “sweetest guy” she’s ever met. You
know who else will appreciate your taking a chance? Moms. Our moms will instantly be your biggest fan when we recap our
personal lives to them and there is never a downside to that.
It is also your opportunity to see our most honest selves. A
lot of times we don’t know you’re flirting with us… We think you’re nice and an
awesome guy, but if you’re not being
the perfect amount of forward, you’re about to be friend zoned. (And you rarely
come back from that…)
Your sure fire way to know if we would be at all interested
would be our reaction to you, I don’t know, asking us to dinner…. Check our
facials. Is there a crazy amount of excitement in our eyes? I’m not positive, but
that could mean we’re thrilled, right?
The worst possible thing that could happen is that we could
say “no.” What repercussions would that even have on your life? It would save you
the price of a meal, which I am 100% sure would be greatly appreciated in your
weekend fund. In which case I say, Please
try asking a girl you like out to dinner. It’s just so easy.
Don’t want a girlfriend? Don’t
act like you do. It’s mean. It’s just plain mean.
Oh so sincerely,
Anna Marie McConnell
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